My own spiritual pilgrimage began at an early age. I grew up in a home with a true evangelist for a dad. David Allbritton was a fiery preacher who cared deeply for people being “born again.” My two siblings and I, Andrew (twin brother) and April (sister) had the luxury of not just hearing him preach behind the pulpit, but living it every day. It was a different upbringing than the stories we hear on a fairly consistent basis today, where ministers preach “anointed” messages on Sunday, but are—in reality—power-hungry, narcissistic, and abusive. My dad was not perfect, but rebellion did not seem like an appealing option for me, unlike other ministers’ kids. My trajectory toward ministry seemed simple, but my future reality became more complex.

In May 2011, my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. Two weeks later, my grandfather (a pastor for over 50 years) passed away. Three and a half months after that, my dad went to be with Jesus. Having come out of the Charismatic movement, our family wholeheartedly believed in physical healing for him. When it did not happen the way we prayed, I started to “deconstruct” for the first time. Whether for good or for bad, I became skeptical of religious schemes and unhealthy doctrines, but my goal to be an evangelist like my dad remained.

Four years later, my twin brother, Andrew, came out as gay. This moment became, overall, more significant to my spiritual journey than my dad’s death because of its unique ability to turn me towards repentance for my homophobia and make me question things that previously were never challenged. It also launched me on a path that appreciates complexity, ambiguity, nuance, and the gray amidst the human desire to see the world as black and white, true and false, and right and wrong. It is in the unclear places where I find God’s mercy and love the most, where I must lean on Him, trust Him, and believe He alone is just....